Control Freaks

​Is your significant other a control freak? Are you? My husband would probably say I am, and I’d say he is. I’ve reluctantly come to the conclusion that most of us are, though in varied ways.

For instance, I’m very picky about the tastes of food and drink; what, when, and where I eat; and what we buy at the grocery (yes, I see a pattern here). My husband is very particular about how we arrange the groceries or luggage in the car, how we load the dishwasher, and whether we turn off all the lights and lock the doors when we leave or go to bed.

The challenges arise when our quirks clash. I hate being early. He hates being late. Since it’s almost impossible to be exactly on time, we compromise by being a little early but not overly so. Still, we end up with more extra (I’d call it wasted) time than I prefer, but enough to keep him from stressing out completely.

Sometimes I bite my tongue and say “okay.” I’m sure he does the same. Some battles just aren’t worth fighting. Isn’t that what we do as parents—choose our battles? I guess marriage and parenting have more in common than you’d think. Some matters don’t really matter (no pun intended).

When my daughter was little and we’d go hiking, she always wanted to carry the leader stick. “Nikki’s got the leader stick,” we’d say.
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Over the years, this has become a familiar phrase in our family. When decisions are needed, we turn to Nikki. (Good thing her husband doesn’t seem to be too much of a control freak.)

Maybe these compromises become easier over time, and perhaps that’s why you sometimes hear the first year of marriage can be the hardest. Throughout my novel, Song of Sugar Sands, Peter and Acadia struggle to figure this out. Some issues are far easier to deal with than others, and Peter and Acadia must come to terms with serious matters like faith and communication. 
 
When one of our kids or grandchildren shows “control freak” tendencies, my husband will look at me and say, “I wonder where he gets that.”
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“So do I,” I reply. “So do I.”