What makes you laugh? Most of us don’t laugh enough. If you’re interested in where funny comes from, try Mel Brooks:The 99 Year-Old Man on HBO, though perhaps not if you’re easily offended. A lot of humor offends someone, and we all have our sensitive spots. Comedians aren’t trying to offend...just to make you laugh.

Before I met my husband, my girlfriends thought I was funny, so I thought so too. Not long after we started dating, I realized that he rarely laughed at my jokes or even recognized when I was joking. So, I quit cracking them, losing confidence I’d ever been truly funny.

I wonder if our attitudes toward humor are inherited or learned from our parents, perhaps a blend of the two. My dad is serious minded and does not often laugh out loud or appreciate sitcoms. He found Bill Cosby offensive long before the rest of us.

I remember my friend Laura’s dad, who laughed so readily at just about everything, it seemed, when we were growing up. My mom is more like that and laughs easily at herself, even when she’s done the most embarrassing things.

I tend to laugh out loud like my mom, but I’m somewhat critical about what I find amusing, like my dad. Like my mom, though, I think I laugh more readily as I grow older. I’ve realized how difficult it is to sustain humor in a routine or a show, and I do love a good comedy.

I find that I enjoy humor more when it takes me by surprise. My husband, on the other hand, seems predisposed to smile at a predictable setup in a sitcom or routine of a novice stand-up comic.

Maybe there’s a generosity of spirit in laughing when we know someone’s trying to be funny, even if they fall a little short. After all, we all love it when we’re trying to be funny and someone responds with genuine appreciation. It’s good for them and us.

So, when the waiter asks, “How do you want to take care of the bill?” and my husband says, “I want you to pay it,” or a desk clerk says, “I need to see some ID,” and he replies, “Does it matter whose?” I’ll smile or chuckle to show my appreciation even if they don’t.
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As they say, laughter is the best medicine. I know he only cracks jokes if he’s in a good mood, and I do welcome good moods.

When I was a kid, I don’t think my parents ever debated the choice of schools. If I was zoned for a particular school for my grade, that’s where I was going. No questions asked.

Things have been different for my kids and their kids. “We hear about gangs in the high schools,” my daughter says. “Drugs even in middle schools.”

“The public school we’re zoned for has terrible ratings,” my son says. Ratings? Who knew there were ratings?

Occasionally we took standardized tests in my day. I remember them as something of a mystery, never knowing when they were coming or what they were used for. My daughter worries that her son, genius that we all believe him to be, does not excel at test taking and that this may come back to haunt him some day.

Now that he’s almost ready for high school, I recall a story she told me when he was just starting kindergarten. They were visiting a magnet school, probably the one he ended up attending.

“There was only one other family on the tour,” my daughter said. “The principal was talking to us, and the other prospective student was sitting in a chair, listening attentively, chin resting on his hands like a little prince.”

“I looked around for Finn,” she said, “and he had managed to remove the cloth belt from my coat and wrapped it around his neck. Looked like he were strangling himself out of boredom.”

“Don’t worry,” I told her. “There will be plenty of time for anxiety when he’s applying for colleges.”

What I didn’t realize at the time was just how rapidly those intervening years would fly past.

If you like stories that bridge the gap between the old and the young, try my book, The Past Ever Present. In it, my dad Cliff recalls his own childhood while serving as my son Clay’s guardian on a tv set.
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The Past Ever Present: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B091F3MN3R (only 99c to buy on Kindle)

​Often, when I’m enjoying myself—swimming, boat riding, basking in the sunlight, watching a sunset or a snow fall—I catch myself smiling to express my enjoyment. I’m reminded of my childhood. One of my parents or grandparents would ask, “Are you happy, Debbie? Are you enjoying this?” and I’d smile to let them know I was.

Now, even when I’m alone, I smile as if to an invisible audience.
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I’ve been reading a novel called The Fury by Alex Michaelides. He poses the question of whether the person we become is more determined by character or by fate. Then he quotes the Greek philosopher Heraclitus, who argues they are one and the same. Michaelides’ protagonist, Elliot, says, “Character is fate. Remember that, for later. Remember the kid, too. And I don’t just mean the kid in me, but the kid in you.”

If character is largely determined by childhood experiences,  I’m thankful for having had adults around me during those formative years who cared if I was enjoying myself. And, perhaps as a result, I find much in life to enjoy.

In fiction, I appreciate characters who also enjoy life, and I often long for happy outcomes.

Nonetheless, too much happiness in a novel becomes boring before long. Conflict lies at the heart of fiction, and we all know that happy-ever-afters don’t always materialize in real life, or in good literature.

As many of you know, I have not published a new book since 2019. I have, however, been writing assiduously. Last year I sent out a series of synopses, asking for input as I decided which to publish first.

Many of you were kind enough to respond. Thank you for that. After analyzing the responses, I’ve decided to launch a series of four semi-autobiographical novels beginning with my maternal grandmother, who was born in 1900.

Although I’m tentatively thinking of the series as “A Hundred Years of Happy,” you can imagine it was not all sunshine and roses. But don’t get me wrong. There’s plenty of joy along the way… and sometimes even in the end.

The characters in my first novel, The Ticket, were also loosely rooted in some members of my family. My son Clay made this brief trailer to introduce the characters. Trailer for The Ticket: https://vimeo.com/50187275

https://www.amazon.com/Ticket-Debra-Coleman-Jeter-ebook/dp/B0BZB6F11J
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I’ll keep you posted. Thanks for your patience.